Here’s a list of the things that can seemingly give you cystitis. It’s not exhaustive.
1  Having raucous sex
2  Having mildly enthusiastic sex
3  Not having any sex
4  Wearing cropped jumpers that don’t cover your kidneys
5  Wearing low jeans that don’t cover your kidneys
6  Not wearing a vest
7  Drinking too much alcohol
8  Drinking just a bit of alcohol but not enough water
9  Drinking Coca Cola instead of water
10 Drinking Fanta instead of water
11 Drinking water
12 Drinking just the one alcoholic beverage in a hot place and then falling asleep in the sun
13 Having drunk sex in a hot place and falling asleep in the sun
14 Having sex in a hot place, not having a wee and then falling asleep in the sun 15 Wearing a G-String, aka a Germ Highway
16 Wiping yourself back-to-front
17 Wiping yourself with a scented wipe
18 Wiping yourself accidentally with a floor-cleaning wipe
19 Wiping yourself accidentally with a glasses-cleaning wipe
20 Sitting on a cold kerb in a flimsy skirt
21 Sitting on a kerb of moderate-to-warm temperature when there’s a cold north-easterly wind
22 Sitting on a kerb in the summer and merely thinking about alcohol, raucous sex or dehydration
23 Planning a night out with the girls
24 Planning a night of romance
25 Planning anything fun whatsoever
26 Breathing
By the way, if you follow me on Instagram you’ll have seen a version of this list already when it was in its germination stage. After that post I had do...