My eyes don’t particularly like it when I wear a lot of makeup. Killjoys! They’ve always been a bit whiney and sensitive when it comes to being caked in powder shadows, rimmed in kohl pencil and battered about with a spiky mascara wand. I remember the tears that streamed down my face on my very first modelling shoot – I wasn’t crying because I had experienced a premonition of the years to come, standing in the freezing cold wearing nothing but a pair of “concept dungarees” (don’t) and five inch Louboutins, I was crying because my eyes were rejecting every single molecule of makeup that dared go anywhere near them.
When you think about it, you can’t really blame eyes for being sensitive. They’re a) really important and necessary body parts but b) at the same time really delicate and vulnerable. Jelly orbs with easily pierced surfaces. Squishy blobs with intricate lenses. And they’re just sitting there in the fronts of our heads, like little spherical aliens riding side by side in their alien spaceship. Nothing between them and the outside world apart from eyelids which – let’s be honest – aren’t exactly the most robust form of protection. So imagine being this little alien with a jelly skin and then people coming at you with pointy pencils and mascara wands that look like instruments of torture. Wanging about big brushes that throw coloured pigment all over you and then painting jet black li...