The other week I stayed overnight at a friend’s house and made the mistake, the following morning, of applying the world’s richest, stickiest night cream to my face and neck. I’m not going to say who makes it, because I used it at the wrong time of day and had I used it as intended – at night – the situation wouldn’t have been half as bad.
Actually it still would have been unbearable. I don’t know how anyone wears this night cream comfortably, unless they sleep rigidly on their backs with their faces pointing directly upwards and well clear of any surrounding fabrics (pillow, sheets) and with their hair completely scraped back.
To call this cream “rich” is to be grossly inaccurate; it’s both incredibly sticky and improbably greasy all at the same time and “rich” doesn’t quite do it justice. If you ever wanted to make your own fly paper then this cream is what you’d turn to for your coating. Although maybe it wouldn’t be the best concoction; the flies would stick but then they’d be sort of gliding about all over the place on the grease. Like a fly ice rink. Stuck fast, yet unable to stop their little feet from skating to and fro. God, that’s a grim thought, isn’t it" Imagine being glued to one of those cross-trainers, forced to pump your limbs backwards and forwards a million times until you finally die" Anyway, I put this night cream on and instantly regret...