I can now add “tree wrestling” to my list of stupid things I do when I’m pre-menstrual. Honestly, it has been a three day marathon of idiotic decisions, irrational reactions and unprovoked breakdowns. Although the tree wrestling episode was pretty bad and saw me screaming, clutching my face and retching into the shrubbery all at the same time…
All I wanted to do was take the ivy off the beech trees. The fact that the beech trees are about the same height and circumference as NASA space shuttles did not deter me – nor the fact that we have lots of them. I’m going to save those trees, I thought to myself, if there’s one thing I achieve this Saturday it’s going to be ridding the trees of their strangling, life-sapping ivy garlands! I’d been meaning to de-ivy the trees for a while, so I donned some gloves (must protect my hands, don’t worry about face) and got to work, ripping the ivy off, pulling down vines that were sometimes ten metres long or more, ripping up the roots and chucking it all in the wheelbarrow. Because the children got bored of playing on the grass after approximately three and a half minutes, and then started disappearing to other parts of the garden where I couldn’t quite see what they were up to, I sat them in some chairs and gave them my iPhone to play with. And then, unencumbered by responsibility, I really got going with my gardening.
There was one particular tree that was being ab...