If you watched my latest vlog then you’ll know that I’ve been on the hunt for a new chunky, almost-counts-as-outerwear cardigan. There’s a special name for this type of heavy-duty cardi, the sort of cardi you can throw on over your entire outfit in lieu of a coat, and it’s a name that gives me hives: COATIGAN.
Who came up with such a ridiculous moniker" It makes me think of old goats and it reminds me of that song that we used to sing at primary school:
“There was an old man named Michael Finn-egan,

He had whiskers on his chin-igan,

They fell out and grew back in-again,

Poor old Michael Finnegan. Begin-again.”
Anyway, I need a new coatigan (argh!) because I virtually live in them. I use them as a less cumbersome dressing gown for doing the breakfast shift, I wear them over my leisurewear when I’m working in my office and when it gets properly cold I use them as a sort of inner lining to my parka for extra warmth. The coatigan is my ultimate all-purpose garment. And I want this coatigan of all-purpose dreams to be almost hideously loud and noticeable. Let’s not go too below-radar with this piece of clothing; yes shades of wheat and dove grey are versatile and flattering but they also don’t belong in this post. I want jungle prints, I want bolder colours, I want the sartorial equivalent of a marching band led by cymbal-clashing monkeys riding elephants.
I want an Amazing Technicolour Dream Coatigan.
All of the bel...