Sunday Tittle Tattle: What Have I Become"
I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching recently. Things have been hectic and somewhat stressful in the AMR household and I have been forced to meditate upon profound personal questions. (See photograph above for a visual indication of what I look like when I ask myself profound personal questions.) Who am I" What am I" Who will I be" Who was I" What have I become"
I’ll tell you what I’ve become: I’ve become someone who moans about their teeth. And there is nothing more boring  – nothing! – than someone who moans about their toothache. “I’ve never been in so much pain,” tooth-moaners say. “If I could have the choice between childbirth or toothache, I’d push out another baby without a moment’s hesitation” they declare. “Bad toothache,” say tooth-sufferers, “could send you completely and utterly around the bend.” “LOOK AT MY PUFFY FACE!” they shout, usually whilst you’re all out having an expensive dinner, “I CAN ONLY EAT SOUPS AND ONLY FROM THE LEFT HAND SIDE OF MY MOUTH, LIKE THIS!” Slurp, slurp, dribble. Good God, it’s so dull.
Until you have toothache yourself, at which point your toothache becomes the sole focus of your entire existence. You can think of nothing else. You can speak of nothing else. Mainly because every time you open your mouth to speak, your entire jawbone feels as though it has been dous...
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