Writer The Guyliner is obsessed by smelling good. And when it comes to choosing his fragrance, there?s only one man with a 100% hit-rate.

I?ve always had an obsession with smelling great. Whether it stems from teenage years of suffering the oppressive pong of Lynx in the locker rooms after PE or being stuck sitting on the school bus next to the guy who?d stopped washing in protest at something, I can?t tell you, but I?ve always made leaving the trailing scent of an angel behind me as a top priority whenever leaving the house. In fact, it isn?t enough for me that I smell adorable, I like to be told I do.
I?m not sure I can think of a greater compliment. No, seriously. Oh, sure, people can tell you you?re beautiful clever or funny, but these are just things people say. I?ve hovered over enough horse-frightening babies to know that ?Oh, he?s gorgeous!? carries as much weight as an election promise. But for someone to tell you, unprompted, that you smell wonderful, or to ask you the name of the fragrance you?re wearing ? that?s real. Nobody ever needs a gun to their head to say that. I was fortunate that both my parents had a similar obsession so even though we weren?t millionaires, they both splashed out on fragrances and nice shower gels and soaps and whatever. Fragrance and hair are my family?s two major weaknesses when it comes to vanity and consumerism.
When I went to university and would get my student grant ? this is 100 years ago ? the first thing I?d do would run and ...