Bikini Horrors and The Miraclesuit
Before I went on holiday (yes, the holiday post is coming up, I’m still recovering from the night-flight-with-toddler-and-baby) I bought a load of bikinis and swimming costumes from Figleaves so that I could try them on in the relative comfort of my own home.
I say relative comfort, but the fact is I’d have been more comfortable trying on swimwear standing on the central reservation of the M4, because I had a constant running commentary from Angelica (aged 2) about the parts of my body she doesn’t see very often (“bum bum Mummy!”) and also a stream of interruptions from various people ringing the doorbell, including the postman who engaged me in a three minute chat despite the fact I was quite clearly busy. (He thinks I’m mad, by the way. Completely bonkers. Sometimes I answer the door wearing a full face of makeup and huge hair, dressed fashionably from the waist up but in tracksuit bottoms or pyjamas from the waist down. At other times, I’m still in my dressing gown at 11am with a disposable shower cap on and eight different foundations patched over my face, or an array of lipstick swatches covering the entire length of my arm.)
Anyway, I felt dreadful in most of the bikinis. I know I should be embracing my new figure and being positive about the miraculous things it has done – highlights include digesting half a kilo of burrata in one session (June 2014), surviving a particularly raucous twenty-four hours in Ibiza (July ...
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